Today has been quite a day.
Often, I get in trouble with people who think I’m fantastic in many ways, but also that I wind myself up too often.
I get myself wound up, I admit it. Generally when people are idiots. I absorb their idiocy. Mostly, I respond to that idiocy with charm and diplomacy. And then I invite people I trust to share a coffee with me, and I split and explode and tell ill-advised truths, and my face blushes red in a way that make up cannot fix, and all the blood vessels in my cheeks explode.
And then I swallow very hard, and take a deep breath, and get back on with it, with exploded cheeks. But there will always be MAC Strobe Cream to pretend that never happened.
When I say ‘when people are idiots,’ what I mean is ‘when people discriminate against me,’ but it’s not that clear, it’s never quite clear enough for me to be able to say it aloud and it be an uncontested fact, so it just turns into a conversation about why I am wound up again and how stupid people are.
So tonight, I finished work just before eight, and had brief dinner with a friend, and got home just after ten. I wish I was having a bath right now, but instead I am sending exceptionally diplomatic emails unpicking something that happened early today, and I am listening to Radiohead on Spotify because I grew up in Oxford in the nineties and Radiohead remind me of my teenage certainty that I was right and everyone else was wrong, and that certainty would be useful to me now.
Radiohead have a song about sucking on lemons. It is appropriate.
It’s OK. I get like this. It will be fine. Because I’ll make it fine.
I wish I was having a bath. It would be a honey one, most likely. And one day, really soon, I’ll have another Guardian of the Forest bath, which will make me feel like I’m sleeping in a forest on a summer’s day, and everything – everything! – will be all right forever.